So although I'm just writing/publishing this now, i wrote it about a week ago...just been extremely busy with my portfolio and school and work and moving, and, and , and......anyways:
I'm sitting on the bus on my way home from Montreal. I feel the need to write. I have a few things I need to work n but can't seem to clear my head of a few thoughts first.
It is in my nature, my genetics to lean towards the darker side; the glass appears half empty to me. I made a very concious decision that I would, quite literally, change my chemical makeup. Since that defing moment, I've put a smile on my face, and eventually came quite a happy person. I now smile more, laugh more, am more extroverted, and simply enjoy life more. However recently I find it harder and harder to wake up wtih that smile naturally. It's becoming slightly more forced.
I met an interesting young man (I say young because not only do I usually surround myself with an older crowd but also find it difficult to view and think as a 22 year old) however he may very well have been a couple years older than I. Although the conversation was not nearly as philisophical or inspiring as he tried to make it sound, I can not den the fact that it did, if nothing else, make me think a little extra today.
I understand blogs. I mean, I always understood them, but now i underSTAND them. They're not for the readers, they're for the writers. I'm a writer, I'm a photographer and I write and take picture for myself, but my favorite thing is getting feedback. It's not even so much what the feedback is (although one can learn a lot from seeing things in a different light) but just knowing the fact that someone is seeing my work, reading my articles, viewing my photographs, and taking the time to get to know me and taking the time to respond. I think we all stive for some sort of acknowlegement, especially from those we love or connect with or care for.
However, personally, it is that acknowlegement, that acceptence, that knowing people you love and care about will be reading what you write, that makes me hesitate with what I write. It is a new goal of mine, a very VERY difficult goal of mine, to overcome that fear, to not censor myself because of who may or may not read what I have to say. lord knows I don't censor my photographs, why should i censor my writing?
I'm getting far off topic, (i should write a book, looks like i have enough to say)....
The reason I bring up the guy from the other night is because, again, although the conversation wasn't over stimulating, I decided to start thinking more goal orientated. I am going to sort through the skelotons in my closet and figure out waht I want and what I want to do and how the hell to get there. I think this is a very good, and big step in my life.
Later inserted I'm moving to a new city, with new people, and a new language. This is a big step for me, and I'd be lying if I said i wasn't scared shitless (excuse my language) but I think it will be good for me. I will be working, and i should ACTUALLY have some time to myself. I can't remember the last time that I wasn't commited 7 days a week to SOMETHING. This will allow me to start eating properly, sleeping properly, working out (my new place, if i get it, has a gym and pool which is extremely exciting). I've been so busy with my work and my life and i've been putting myself last. This is my opportunity to take care of me for once. It'll be a hard change, but good I think.
I realise this isn't the greatest piece of writing, but more a rambling. But it was necessary for me to get it off my chest and ramble for a bit, even if no one listens.
To those of you who do know me, i promise i will be around for more pictures, and more writings, when done my schooling, but right now that is my focus, and must remain my focus. Thanks for understanding.
